Do you ever just playback music, or memories over and over, just in repeat. I have found myself doing that a lot lately. I have tickets to go see Young the Giant here in Houston at the end of September, and that’s is what I am doing with their music. Over and over on my Amazon music player. It plays all of their awesome tracks, It has made my work days zoom by, it’s been making me super happy. In the same time, I have been reminiscing moments with lovers, friends and those I would rather not think about. It’s weird how right now, my life is almost in constant melancholy. Happy and content, yet having the feeling that something is a miss.

The only things that are not are my bank account and my love life. A true miracle and blessing would be to A) find a sugar daddy – yes please someone take care of me, pay my bills, lol whatever. B) win the lottery – yes I know exactly what I would do with the $400 Million cash option on the PowerBall drawing. C) Someone led/give me 250k to fix my life, I would take a life time to pay back, but at least it would set 85% of my problems I have right now. Some people don’t know how good they have it. I just want to be like, go in my shoes 1 week and you would freak out. Like how the fuck does she do it. ooh Ooh oh its magic, you know.

Love life wise, my coworkers think that I have mad skills. That I am a dating guru. I do admit lately, I have been meeting people for drinks or a meal. But contrary to popular belief, nothing has progressed past that point. Maybe I am just having bad luck, I don’t really know. At least the guy from last night gave me a little peck. UGH! Go’s to show you how funny life is. One minute you have everything, and the next you don’t. Hope everyone had a good Eclipse day and I know I’m looking forward to 2024 even though I thought it was super freaky.  For now off to spend the rest of this hot day, adulting.

XOXO

Ana

Yesterday I had a simple epiphany. That wine and good company cure most things, definitely not tequila. Having wine with a long lost friend, I realized there were two broken hearts at the table. I think I’m not processing this Ph.D. situation well.  I believe it is the simple fact that he just checked so many boxes for me. I feel like a fool in the midst of all of this. Like why am I crying and why did I let that poor man take me out last Thursday, big mistake.

So here is what happened. Super sweet, cute and seemingly smart guy. Met him on bumble. He asked me for drinks, my whole thought to this was sure why not and I need a drink since work is chaos. For my side of this we hit it off, I mean we were there til 10 pm. Right but oh so wrong, one crucial mistake. We were talking about signs that the universe throws out at you. Most you know that is kinda a sore subject for me.  The next second, I kid you not, tears were coming out of my eyes!! I just started laughing when I realized what was happening. Never have I ever done that, date one or 15. I am sure that totally killed any chance I had with this guy. He did, however, kiss me at the end of the night when we nearly shut down the restaurant. Well if he potentially reads this, which he actually might. I’m so sorry, for the most part, I am normal, just having out of the ordinary life situations at the moment. I feel like that was definitely not my best, and borderline mortified.

So back to last night, inquisitive minds do want to know. If you have a girl that is smart, can carry a conversation. Doesn’t pressure you, laid back, cares for you. Why let her go? If everything is going great enough for you to send that morning text, every morning, why are you self-hijacking the relationship? News flash men, it is dumb not easier to destroy what you have cultivated for months. In my many years of dating, and yes I think I have been boy crazy since preschool, I just don’t get this. I know I’m not asking for a ring, and neither was my friend. If what you want is someone who is demanding and itchy, by all means just don’t date us at all. Do not waste your time nor ours.  Well, that is literally all the time I have for this. Today my kid got into charter school and oh yeah they go back on Monday. So I have 3 fewer days to get him ready, this should be fun.

XOXO

Ana

 

 

I don’t think I am only that can’t believe summer is almost over. I feel like yesterday was 4th of July, and then I blinked and suddenly it was August. I guess that is what happens when your world is refreshing, and you didn’t even know it. I ended June with a new job, new career, and new people in my life. I guess that what made the month so enjoyable.

When you put someone on the back burner, and not because you want to, but out of their request. Someone else always scoops in to cloud your judgment. I truly believe that is what happened this past month. The just drinks, then dinner. Oh more the following week, oh I am going to tell you what you want to hear. Oh, I am also going to send you gifts, which I don’t think anyone had done before – of course, other than throwing food.  The combination of all of these things made me believe that this person had good and honest intentions. I am starting to regret lowering the wall for them. Listen if you have kept up with me at all, you know I really don’t ask for much. I guess this day and age asking for communication and honesty is too much, too hard. I have a pretty demanding and stressful job. I now have a child in Kinder, and oh yes no one to help me day to day. Yet I feel I give everything I do my all, the 100%. Why can’t others do the same? I don’t need $500 dinners, I need someone by my side.

Ph.D. was also nowhere to be found all month. How many times can you or should you use work as an excuse for being nonexistent. If you don’t want to be someone or see them, don’t sit there and tell them how much you miss them. Again, sometimes I feel like a broken record, Actions speak louder than words. So regrettably I guess I to report I am back to square one in my love life. Back to endless swiping, yes or no’s. The only I can do is look at it positively. Focus on myself and what I have going. Even though I really have feelings for this man. I waited for him, didn’t demand anything, and yet at the end, I have been burned.

My heart felt heavy last night and still does. The random tears come and go. In the end, this is why I do this.  To lay it all out there in hopes that someone else will take some value from it. Help someone, or just show them that look this happens to me too. There are many broken hearted people in the world, all we can do is hope and pray we find that which we seek.

“Summer is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin

 

XOXO

Ana