I don’t think I am only that can’t believe summer is almost over. I feel like yesterday was 4th of July, and then I blinked and suddenly it was August. I guess that is what happens when your world is refreshing, and you didn’t even know it. I ended June with a new job, new career, and new people in my life. I guess that what made the month so enjoyable.
When you put someone on the back burner, and not because you want to, but out of their request. Someone else always scoops in to cloud your judgment. I truly believe that is what happened this past month. The just drinks, then dinner. Oh more the following week, oh I am going to tell you what you want to hear. Oh, I am also going to send you gifts, which I don’t think anyone had done before – of course, other than throwing food. The combination of all of these things made me believe that this person had good and honest intentions. I am starting to regret lowering the wall for them. Listen if you have kept up with me at all, you know I really don’t ask for much. I guess this day and age asking for communication and honesty is too much, too hard. I have a pretty demanding and stressful job. I now have a child in Kinder, and oh yes no one to help me day to day. Yet I feel I give everything I do my all, the 100%. Why can’t others do the same? I don’t need $500 dinners, I need someone by my side.
Ph.D. was also nowhere to be found all month. How many times can you or should you use work as an excuse for being nonexistent. If you don’t want to be someone or see them, don’t sit there and tell them how much you miss them. Again, sometimes I feel like a broken record, Actions speak louder than words. So regrettably I guess I to report I am back to square one in my love life. Back to endless swiping, yes or no’s. The only I can do is look at it positively. Focus on myself and what I have going. Even though I really have feelings for this man. I waited for him, didn’t demand anything, and yet at the end, I have been burned.
My heart felt heavy last night and still does. The random tears come and go. In the end, this is why I do this. To lay it all out there in hopes that someone else will take some value from it. Help someone, or just show them that look this happens to me too. There are many broken hearted people in the world, all we can do is hope and pray we find that which we seek.
“Summer is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces up, snow is exhilarating; there is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
XOXO
Ana
Everyday Banana 