2020, Chapter 3

Excuse the delay; I am just leaving you on pins and needles. Yes, I have a sense of humor, or sassiness, whatever you want to call it. I blame the state of my finances and work life. The bandwidth to write was not necessarily there, but it’s been on my mind, especially lately. There is so much to type out of my system. Trust me, I have lists per year of everything I want to talk about, write about, or say.

One reason you started reading my blog was because of the funny or cringe-filled first-date stories. This one was purposely left out of the other entries from 2020. I think it was due to the level of messiness. Yes, this is not an all-happy-joy type of story. Being in such a weird time in the history of the world and not being able to truly be out there, well, we were in lockdown for most of it. Then it was, “Oh, I hope you haven’t been exposed,” since I have an autoimmune disease. I thought he was a great guy—well, at least that is the story he sold and probably continues to sell. We will call him Chad because I don’t want someone to sue me, and let the record stand: I have never dated any “Chads”. He is working on his master’s at Harvard. Divorced dad of one. Great job as a non-profit consultant. There are so many lies in those lines. In hindsight, everything was so good and had been going so well since day one—maybe too good. Even though “they” say not to, I regret meeting and spending seven months under the spell of a monster. Spending the holidays together. Our Sunday nights were date nights.

While I was never physically assaulted, the wounds are there. Trust, morals, and ethics are the hardest to heal when someone trespasses on them. This continues to haunt me today as I try to get ‘back out there’. Chad was not his name, consulting was not his profession, and, oh yes, the best one was that he had more than one child. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be entangled with someone living essentially a double life. What makes it worse is what he does; he is a pastor at a Southern Baptist church. While I am not the picture of Christianity, I certainly would never lie. It is like my friend hiding who he is and his love for hockey. My friend has been playing hockey since he could walk and even played pro; that is the reason I use him as an example. Chad had even received his bachelor’s degree from an ultra-conservative Christian university on the east coast. Every degree has something to do with his faith, yet he lied. While this is obviously no reflection on me, man, did that wreck me. I really thought what we had was real, yet it wasn’t. What tipped me off were his comments about his ex-wife and how derogatory he was. I could never find anything on him because that wasn’t his name, but when I found his ex-wife’s name, everything on the world wide web was a complete word vomit, and the truth was out. I thought it was worse than having a criminal background, but I still do. Lying about who and what you are to show your face is incredible.

Let this be the warning and the free pass you need to do your research. While it might be an internet joke that women are like FBI agents, this is exactly why. My close friends said that under no circumstances could I confront him in person. Who knows what he would have done knowing that I knew his secrets, It was literally a life-in-danger situation. Ladies, trust your intuition in knowing that something is not right. Search and search, and the skeletons will fall out of the closet, then run.

XOXO

Ana

2020, Chapter 2

I know chapter one was a doozy. But it is what it is, and it had to be put out in the universe to try to move on with my life. The rest of 2020 was, well, interesting. During the first couple of months of what would become the pandemic, specifically in January of that year, I had several discussions with people about how this would be bad if they didn’t hurry and stop air travel. I remember sending my parents KN95 masks from work for their flight back to Colombia. The ventilator issues I had seen when I worked at the hospital and the struggles we had already experienced years prior, and then shit hit the fan. While I have an eidetic memory, I remember watching a lot of news and everything unfolding into chaos. While I didn’t have the answers then or now, it confirmed the healthcare industry’s lack of preparedness (yes, it is for profit; it is an industry), even though you may do all those bloodborne illness courses, IYKYK. I soon realized that I was not meant to home-school anyone child. Having to play pretend that I was a 2nd-grade teacher and work at the same time was not fun. I started to feel like my kid would resent me for it later. I remember he had to put a PowerPoint together, and we argued about how he needed to have complete sentences on his slides. Wasn’t that a major part of English class when we would get to go to the computer lab? I also did not have to make slides in 2nd grade; it was more like junior high. We managed to be ok and have everything we needed. I am savvy with the internet and finding things I need. I also got those fancy hand sanitizers from Touchland before they were sold out for months.

That spring and summer just melted into one that year. Then came the layoffs. We had a mandatory meeting that Friday before, that everyone was going to be off that following Monday, including the shipping department, which never happened, but no one knew why. Of course, I had gone on a lunch date. Nice guy who worked for Perry Homes. We had just ordered when my phone rang, and the caller ID said Canada. I almost wish I had not answered. They were so cold about it; oh, it was nothing you did (at this point, if you haven’t read Chapter 1, you probably should) when I knew at this point they were aware of my complaint to the EEOC. The worse part is I had to go back to my lunch. Oh, poor guy. Needless to say, I never heard from him again. What came next was insane; the not-so-great piece of work HR director had screwed all of us out of any federal money. She had gone out of her way to let them know what our severance packages were, and most of us wouldn’t qualify for ANY unemployment for months, Yes, and some years. So between her and the lovely governor of Texas, my finances were living on a prayer, and mostly it was answered beyond expectation.

In 2020, I had planned a trip to NYC for Memorial Day but canceled. Rescheduled for a trip to Cancun and even got my kid a passport, but no flights. Then I discovered JW Marriott in San Antonio was having insane deals. With minimal occupancy and the low rate, I took full advantage with my best friend in tow. We went for my kid’s birthday/last summer, hurrah. If you have never been, go, it has easily become our favorite. I will do a write-up when I get the chance. But so great, clean, great food, and the waterpark. Also, the amount of wildlife roaming and being in the semi-wilderness was what we needed after being in lockdown for six months.

Oh, and I cannot forget the most productive thing I did in lockdown. In March, I was interviewed for a cohort at the University of Texas and was accepted. Classes started that April and ran all thru to October. Data Analytics, I thought, great, I can use this in my job for inventory purposes and to expand my Excel skills. Boy, I was wrong. It was so hard, and there were many long days/nights; lucky for me, I was now unemployed. The coding killed me most of all, and I have never used anything I learned. I tried to use the new shiny piece of paper as a way to get into a tech company, but no one wanted the Oil and Gas employee, how crazy, this would continue well into 2021.

To be continued…..

xoxo

Ana

2020, Chapter 1

Well, we are going back to everything that needed to be said. Debrief these wounds that won’t heal until everything has been laid out for the universe to take care of, karma. If you think the following could never happen to you, well, I never thought it would happen to me. Have you ever been violated, assaulted, and embarrassed beyond comprehension? I have. Some situations in life end up being beyond toxic, past the point of rational thinking, and everyone’s reaction to this story is usually the same. Horror, something like this, could happen at work in this day and age.

2020 started with me planning a debt pay-off schedule, even a vacation, and I should have seen warning signs. I ended 2019 by getting into a car wreck. We were coming back from having an excellent New Year’s Eve dinner with my parents. I even had a DD, my dad, because I wanted a drink. Sitting at a red light, we were rear-ended. I can go much into this as I am still fighting the other driver’s insurance. Yes, I have a lawyer, and we have been at this since February 2020, but nothing has been resolved. The nightmare started after just a week of meeting with my lawyer and getting all the paperwork sent to him.

Work is a necessity; it should also feel like a safe space. You have to go there every day. Looking back, there were so many signs of how toxic this would become, but the money was good, and well, it was an excellent opportunity to say, ‘I work in oil and gas.’ The HR director was not the most likable human; most of us didn’t like her. She changed the employee handbook to require pre-employment drug testing; no one knew what was coming. A week later, these people started setting up in a large conference room. Oh, surprise, we were all – the whole company – getting hair follicles tested. I immediately began to search for what I could do to stop this. If you have read any of my previous posts or not, here is a bit of a back story. I have alopecia areata. It started with my pregnancy and has never gone away. It is in my thyroid, and yes, I endured years of Kenalog injections into my scalp. It is so bad it is considered a disability. I am now on lifelong medication.

The next day, the email came thru, and my manager knew this would not go well. He knew how bad it was and the struggles; he had seen the puncture marks. I went and told one of the HR girls that I needed ADA accommodations, and her response was to talk to the HR director. Now before you say anything, I have done my homework. We had DOT drivers, so that would have been the reasonable accommodation – to go to that lab and do the blood work. At this time, I also had three six-inch welts around my head, and yes, I am lucky to have a lot of hair that I was able to hide it. I went to the director and asked the same. Her response is still shocking today:’ You have plenty of hair to sit in the chair.’ I had no option; the only option was to lose my job. So I went back to the conference room, told the girl, and just started crying. No, I didn’t sign the paper. I didn’t consent. I just went and sat in the chair. I just cried, bald like a baby. I couldn’t believe this was happening. The room was full of people. It was horrible. They shave a one-inch by one-inch square where they could find it.

I walked out when the lady was done and sobbed. My co-workers were mortified that HR had done this to me. Most of them knew of my health struggles; their faces said it all. I took what felt like a hike back to my office at the other end of the building. During my walk, it felt like everyone was looking at me, horrified for me. It was so incredibly unfair. I also couldn’t stop crying. I got back to my desk and just tried to calm down. Needless to say, my manager and other people who had worked for the company for a long time took their displeasure of the situation to the CEO; he sent his apologies but never said anything to me directly. For the next several weeks, I just stayed in my office or went out for lunch. Every morning became a real struggle to go in; I wanted to vomit every day when I got to the parking lot.

Lucky or unlucky for me, my child’s school closed that Monday, March 16. I only went back to collect my items from my desk once they laid everyone off. This was incredibly hard to write, but I hope that if you are in the position to make decisions like this over other people, you think twice. I am traumatized by the experience, and there isn’t much to do about it. I did file with the EEOC, but by the time I came for my interview, we were all in lockdown, and they had limited resources. They gave me the ‘Right to sue’; however, I never found a lawyer to take the case.

XOXO

Ana