Yes yes, we are 20 days into the year, and it sure doesn’t feel like it. Going back to work and my kid going back to school seems like just yesterday. My birthday came and went in the blink of an eye, and it was almost just like any other day. So this post was actually a hard one to write up. After leaving a meeting last night, my brain was firing off left and right. I came to the conclusion nothing in my life is super amazing and super horrible. I feel like I’m stuck in a mediocre place. I think that im not being the best at particularly anything, at all. Maybe it is self dought, perhaps it is just a fact. Regardless, I know everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew what that reason was.
After countless signs from the universe, basically, all the quizzes and horoscopes, that I wasn’t going to find love this year. I have officially given up on that. Yes, I am officially off every dating app and website I have ever signed up for. I am exhausted of the constant disappointment, and the endless lefts and rights. I actually decided this in December, but entirely took action recently. If it didn’t work out with this guy, I was talking to, that was going to be it. Why? It’s always “It’s not you, it’s me” but it’s still me at the end. If I couldn’ retain this fantastic guy, then there is something wrong with me that I am not seeing. This feeling of not being good enough, being a disappointment, needs to go away. Again this is all fantastic timing!
So one of my close friends is doing this 40 Days thing. I signed up for the ‘let’s have a challenge’ idea. I am not a runner, so I have never even remotely considered a marathon of any kind, yoga I can do. After going to the orientation last night, I think it’s going to be a lot more than just doing yoga for 40 days. Part of the “coming to Jesus moment” I had last night was that I need to heal. I teared up at every other sentence. I have such a backbone and thick skin for situations, but I had a realization that my heart and soul are damaged and need healing. People who have done the program before were giving their testimony about all the changes it brings you. It is not just a physical change but an inner transformation. And this is precisely what I need and want. It is a feeling of how do I create the life I want, how do I remove the negativity.
So for the next 40 days, I am going all in. I want the change, I am expecting it fully. This is a mental and physical boot camp. Yoga, meditation, learning, and community will be the guides. Needless to say, I am no longer anxious like I was, am I reasonably excited. I know it is going to be difficult, but nothing that truly pays off is easy. So for the next six weeks, this is going to be my life. Figuring out social commitment, may or may not take a back seat for a bit, which I am ok with. So I will let you guys know what week one was like on my next post. The grind starts TOMORROW!
XOXO
Ana
Everyday Banana 